i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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