i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
