is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
