Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
