my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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