i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
