i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
