PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
