Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
