Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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