thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
