I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
