Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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