Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
