Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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