who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
