i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
