you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
