Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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