why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
