we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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