I wish my penis had an off switch
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
