Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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