in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
