Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
