I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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