did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
