No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
