my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
