i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
