His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
