So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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