I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
