I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
