Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Houston, we have a blender
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
