The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
