Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
