guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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