FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
