Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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