i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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