Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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