i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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