end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
