hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
