OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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