these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
