dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
