How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
