Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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