OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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