i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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