Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I checked into jail on foursquare
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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