I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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