During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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